Sail-eberty death match, ALL SENSHI FREE FOR ALL!
by Golden Solaris
Summary: All the senshi- starlights, outers, inners, EVERYONE! Who will win? (comedy!!!)


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Don't sue me, I'm broke.  
  
  
  
ALL-SENSHI FREE- FOR-ALL  
  
(Yay!)  
  
Male Voice Comes Over Speakers: Ladies and gentlemen, at long last, the 3 announcers and the Sailor Senshi Free-for-All! Welcome Alyson Strother, Kou Usako-chan and Sailor Engma!  
  
*three figures appear in the spotlight*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Sailor Enigma! Stage on! *crowd goes wild*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Kou Usako! Stage on! ::crowd goes wild::  
  
Ucchan: Ucchan, stage on! *crown goes wild and throws underwear down*  
  
Sailor Engima: *waves to crowd* Hello there! How are all of you tonight? *crowd roars*  
  
Ucchan: *blows kisses* Hello! I love you all!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::bows, screaming 'you love me, you really do!' before she notices the crowd is silent:: poo. Do we have a fight for you tonight, folks! Bill Gates versus Bill Cli... er... wrong one, hehheh... Isn't it? ::looks at giant banner hanging from ceiling, reading "We love Bill! Bill Bill Bill!":: Hmmm...  
  
Sailor Enigma: What do you think this is!? The battle of the bills? *raises eyebrow curiously at Usako-chan* Hey! *dollar bills begin to shower from the stands* Mine! *crawls around picking up dollars* I love you! I love you! *blows kisses*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Security!!  
  
Lord Darlantan: Okay, come on, get out of here... *grabs Bill Clinton and Bill Gates and leads them out*  
  
Ucchan: Oh, for cryin' out loud! ::takes microphone:: Tonight, ladies, gentlemen, and cute brown puppies, we have a Senshi Free-For-All! That's right!  
  
Sailor Engima: Wahoo! We're starting with the inner senshi!! Care to do an introduction Ucchan? *hands Ucchan mike*  
  
Ucchan: Whoo hoo! Alright! First, the Inner Senshi!  
  
*the spotlight is on the enter of the arena, a curtain hangs over the senshi's arena entrance, the throbbing music of La Soldier fills the entire arena*  
  
Ucchan:Sailormercury, the smart senshi of water!  
  
Sailormars, the spiritual girl with the power of fire!  
  
Sailorjupiter, the senshi of thunder! YAY JUPITER-SAMA!!!!!  
  
Sailorvenus, who you may also know as Sailor V!  
  
Ahem... And Sailormoon!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::Stands on chair:: SAILORMOON!! USAGICHAAAAN!!!! Whoohoo!!! ::Falls:: ow... this is NOT a good first day...  
  
Ucchan: Oh dear! Nurse Minako!!!!! Help!  
  
Sailor Engima: And oh yeah, the annoying pink one. Sailor Chibimoon!  
  
*silence*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Man, I hope she gets it.... Everybody, let's cut to the chase! I have to say there is some really solid fan support! All the senshi are really talented in their own right and I can't wait to see how things turn out! Now shall we begin the fight ladies? I wonder who is the official gong-ringer tonight?  
  
Ucchan: Me! Please! ME ME ME!!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: *hands Ucchan the gong bangy thing*  
  
Ucchan: Whoo hoo! ::pulls back, spins around:: YAAAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: covers ears*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Yes! Let's get ready to rruuuuummmmbbbllleeeeee.......! Oh look! It's Lucky from Lucky Charms! Is he gonna ring the dong, Enigma? ::Lucky stares at Alyson evilly, then mumbles something about his magic lucky charmsand scatters off:: ::COVERS EARS:: I hope this job has good insurance!  
  
Gong: BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY  
  
Sailor Enigma: What is insurance???  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Boingy boingy boingy? Enigma-chan, is something wrong with the gong?  
  
Sailor Enigma: Oops! I gave her the Jolt-style bangy thing ^^; Gomen everybody  
  
Ucchan: And they're off! Ooh, it looks like Chibimoon's gonna attack first! Muhahaha!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Chibimoon stands poised, wand in hand. And she... stands poised! Wand in hand! And... um....  
  
;;;silence;;;  
  
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: She tries it again! This time..... it kind of works.... a heart is deflected off of Sailor Jupiter's forehead!  
  
Ucchan: Ooh, looks like Jupiter-sama's not gonna take that....  
  
Crowd: *stamps feet* JUPITER! JUPITER! JUPITER! JUPITER!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Poor Jupiter! That might have left a mark! Uh oh, Jupiter's getting a tad peed... Jupiter is crossing her arms over her face... uh oh...  
  
Sailor Enigma: Kick the litle pink freak's butt, Jupiter! What's this? The lightning barely scorches her hair.......... *bam* *a shower of hot dogs fall on the inner senshi* Mmmm! *Sailor Enigma runs out of the announcers booth and catches falling hot dogs in her mouth* Hmpmhl mmmm nummy hot dogs  
  
Ucchan: Looks like it's gonna have to take more power....  
  
Sailor Enigma: I can't do it cap'n! I don't have the power! *runs away frantically, scarfing down more hot dogs* Hey... *looks up with glob of ketchup hanging from lip* Do I hear harp music?  
  
Ucchan: I think you do!  
  
Sailor Enigma: damn. Why does that janitor keep letting the orchestra in without telling me??  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Yes... I believe so... maybe it's because you cut their paycheck and they want their revenge...  
  
Sailormercury: Mercury aqua rhapsody!!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ewww! soggy hot dogs!  
  
Ucchan: Oh no! She missed Chibimoon, and hit.....Mars!  
  
Sailor Enigma: I don't know if NASA will like that. Hey look! Sailor Mars throws a Flame Sniper at Chibimoon. The fire arrow breaks the Pink Sugar Heart Rod!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Oh no, Chibimoon's not gonna do that "moonbeam thing" (See, this program is friendly for DiC audiences too! ::cheesy smile::), is she?  
  
Sailor Enigma: Chibimoon retaliates by..... throwing rocks and grass at Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus!  
  
Ucchan: No!!!! She's ruining the field!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Sailor Venus is looking up. She seems rather confused.  
  
Sailorvenus: "A thrown stone gathers no moss"...  
  
Ucchan: Um, yeah, Minako-chan....*sweatdrop Uh-oh! Mercury seems to be sick of Venus getting all those sayings wrong!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Mercury sprays bubbles everywhere! Noo! I can't see!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: As the bubbles clear...... Sailor Venus is laying on the ground with an ofuda on her forehead!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Mars is smiling. Man she's good! Sailor Jupiter begins twirling around to do an Oak Evolution in SM's direction but......  
  
Ucchan: A tidal wave comes out of nowhere and hits Jupiter-sama!  
  
*cherry blossoms fly around the arena entrance, and violin music begins to play*  
  
Sailoruranus: Invited by a new age, I am the magnificent Sailoruranus!  
  
Sailorneptune: Likewise, I am the graceful Sailorneptune!  
  
Sailorpluto: Here I am! Preserving peace for all time!  
  
Crowd: *goes wild and showers the outer senshi with roses and candy*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Why doesn't anyone ever attack during the Senshi's speeches? I mean... come on! eek!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Where is Saturn!? I was really hoping she'd show up for this fight! I love that giant can opener of hers! Awwwww.... *disappointed*  
  
Ucchan: No, there she is, see? She's still a baby points to baby Hotaru strapped to Neptune's back awww....  
  
Chibi Hotaru: Goo goo gaa gaa!  
  
Kou Usako-chan Saturn's speech brings tears to my eyes... it's so.... ::sob:: touching... kawaii!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Eeee! The outer senshi are here! The outer senshi are here! HURRAY! This is so exciting! I wonder what will happen? Oooh! Sailor Pluto lets loose a dead scream which flies towards Sailor Venus! Don't hurt V- chan!  
  
Sailorvenus: ::jumps out of the way:: You still won't forgive me for that incident with Neherenia, eh? Remember the saying... "forgive and ferment!".  
  
Sailor Enigma: Sailor Venus jumps over to Pluto...... man she can jump far......  
  
Kou Usako-chan: She's a birdy! Tweet! Tweet! What are the other Senshi doing? ::looks at the other Senshi, eating hotdogs::  
  
Sailormoon: Moon tiara action!  
  
Ucchan: Uranus grabs the tiara! Awww...look! baby Hotaru's using it as a teething ring!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::looks at Baby Hotaru:: Aw! That's so cute! but she could get lead poisoning. ::Serious nod::  
  
Sailor Enigma: So that explains Usagi's ditziness! Oh dear! Jupiter and Mars are teaming up on Chibimoon..... Chibimoon is hit in the side by a blast of lightning then a burst of flames and then some oak leaves and then some fire rings...... Woo- hoo!  
  
Ucchan: Eww! Burnt sugar! ::plugs nose::  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Sailor Moon looks very bored just standing there and decides to take the offensive. Her eyes are skirting around, looking for a victim it seems... what? It looks like she's found one! It looks like... Neptune! Uh oh! She's raising her tier above her head...  
  
Sailormoon: Moon Spiral! Heart! Attack!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: How'd she get her Moon Spiral rod back? ::shrugs:: I dunno..  
  
Sailor Enigma: Poor Michiru-san! Sailor Uranus snarls at SM.... she raises her Space Sword.... it glows threateningly.... but she can't do it! She can't harm the princess. Instead she strikes at one of the people Usagi loves most....  
  
Ucchan: JUMP REI-SAMA!  
  
Sailor Enigma: She jumps and lands behind Sailor Pluto! Immediately she surprises Pluto by grabbing her staff and kneeing her! Ouch!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Sailormercury glares at Mars! It looks like she's not finished with her pyromaniac companion yet! She pulls out a harp!  
  
Underpaid Orchestra: THAT'S OUR HARP!  
  
Sailormercury: Mercury! Aqua Rhapsody!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: And Mars is hit! Ouch! The impact sent her skidding across the floor... into Jupiter!  
  
Ucchan: JUPITER-SAMA! Jupiter jumps over Mars and nods to Minako-chan...  
  
Sailor Enigma: Sailor Venus uses her love and beauty shock which slams into Sailor Uranus..... when will the violence end!? Then Sailor Neptune smacks Sailor Pluto! Sailor Uranus hits Chibimoon with a World Shaking! Sailor Moon uses Moon Gorgeous Meditation on Sailor Mercury! Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus double-attack Sailor Mars! Sailor Mars is hit and throws some fire at Venus and Jupiter! EEEEE! I can't watch!  
  
Ucchan: *shrieks and grabs Sailor Enigma*  
  
Sailor Enigma: What is this?! The power is going out! I can't see anything! *spooky music plays as the back up lighting dimly lights the stage* Oh dear.... Saturn has her glaive to Sailor Moon's throat!  
  
Ucchan: Wow, kids these days grow up so fast!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Omigosh! Who are they! ::points to people in Bill Clinton and Bill Gates t-shirts:: Wrong day guys! ::The guys leave:: Geez....  
  
Sailor Enigma:: The fire soul rips through the air burns Saturn's hand..... she drops it..... and the familiar Spanish type music is played  
  
Tuxedo Kamen: *swoops down and picks up SM* *rose breaks hot dog stand in two* *says cheesy speech*  
  
Ucchan: YEAH!!! Tuxedo Kamen-sama!!!! Suki yo!!!!  
  
Sailor Moon: Tuxedo Kamen-sama!  
  
Sailorneptune: It's getting old... can't you call him something different? God!  
  
Ucchan & Sailormoon (simultaneously): HEY! Don't talk about Mamo-chan like that!!!!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::pruny look:: I won't comment... I won't... ::gag::  
  
Sailor Enigma: Oh my gosh...... do you hear that? Snapping?  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::looks up:: Could it be??? Do you think??  
  
*whistling*  
  
*spotlight*  
  
Sailor Starfighter!  
  
Sailor Starhealer!  
  
Sailor Starmaker!  
  
Sailor Starlights, STAGE ON!  
  
Ucchan: Not the Sailortransvestites--I mean, Sailorstarlights! ::grumbles::  
  
Bill Gates and Bill Clinton: TAIKI WE LOVE YOU!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::swoon:: ::looks around:: I'm not gay.... Seiya... ::drools::  
  
Sailor Enigma: Yay Starlights! *waves Yaten flag*  
  
Sailorstarmaker: *blows kisses to the two Bills*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Enigma, do you think the arena is big enough for all of these people? :eyes Alyson evilly::  
  
Bill Gates: Hmmmm.... *presses "Eject Chibimoon" button*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Chibimoon flies out of the arena! Where did she go!?  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::somewhere over the rainbow::  
  
Ucchan: What? What? Hey, Mamo-chan! Go kick some femboy booty!  
  
Lucky: Muahahah... me magic lucky charms... they're magically delicious!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::eyeing Ucchan:: Don't make me start another mini-fight here! ::hold Starlights minus Maker fanclub stuff to her chest::  
  
Ucchan: ::eyeing Usako:: After the fight, you're on! ::clutches Tuxedo Kamen doll she stole from Chibiusa::  
  
Sailor Enigma: Oh dearie me! Look! Starmaker and Mercury are fighting.... I wouldn't go over there... it looks awfully slippery with all the goo and bubbles and ice and forehead grease....  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Ew! Darn Taiki's goo smells bad... ::plugs nose::  
  
Sailor Enigma: Everybody I think we have a problem...... Sailor Saturn has her glaive she she looks like she's going to attack...  
  
Sailorsaturn: SILENCE GLAIVE SURPRISE!  
  
Starfighter: NO! Star serious laser!  
  
Ucchan Eek! ::grabs Sailor Enigma:: I'm scared!  
  
Sailor Enigma: What do we do!? What do we do?! *runs in panic circles* I've got it! Usako! You see that button back there? Beside the food replicator? It says "do not push". PUSH IT!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Yeah, the little red one? Oooooh! Button! ::skips over and pushes button:: I pushed the button! I pushed the button!  
  
Sailor Enigma: A large squish is heard as a huge chunk of lime Jell-O lands on top of Sailor Saturn, containing the attack.  
  
Sailormoon : *sticks tongue out at Saturn* Now try and eat your way out! haha! ::stares longingly at the Jell-O mountain:: mmm...Jell-O....  
  
Sailorvenus: ::sticks her tongue out:: Mmm... Jell-O... I want the Jell- O... ::looks at Moon:: ::They both nod at the same time and run towards the mountain of Jell-O::  
  
Sailor Enigma: Whatever you do, don't eat it! It's Spanish insanity jell-o!  
  
Ucchan: Quick! Someone hold them back!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Look! Jupiter is holding the two hungry Senshi back with mere arm power! Wait... can you hear that?  
  
Sailor Enigma: Is that maniacal laughing I hear?  
  
Voice: Hola... me llamo.... Saturn.... yo estoy....... Saturn... muahahahah! Areba! Areba! Undele!  
  
Ucchan: Ay de mi!!! Que lastima!!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Omygosh! it's the tacobell dog!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: No... it's coming from the Jell-O!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Let me talk to it! *yells into mike* TACO ENCHILADA DINERO BURRITO GRANDE YO QUIERO TACO BELL!  
  
Ucchan: How elegant Enigma ^_^;;.....That's it! I'm going to have to do something! Hold on, I'll be right back! ::jumps out of announcer's booth:: *Saturn pops out from the Jell-O, the Taco Bell dog on her head. They march out of the arena, chanting "Gorditas, Gorditas..."*  
  
Ucchan: :: runs into stands:: Hey, Tin Nyanko, can I borrow that? Thanks! I'm back! ::holds up bazooka:: What?? They left???? MAN!!!!!  
  
Kou Usako: It seems Saturn has left the arena. For some... Gorditas... Gorditas.... ::drools::  
  
Sailor Engima: *light bulb appears above Enigma's head as she gets idea* Shoot Taiki! Shoot Taiki!  
  
Ucchan: Gotcha, boss! ::turns to Taiki:: Die!!!!! ::kaboom!!!!::  
  
Sailorstarmaker:: ::examining her forehead:: Maybe if I part my hair this wa... OWWWW!!! ::Taiki falls to the ground::  
  
Ucchan: Ack! ::Seiya and Yaten tackle Ucchann::  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Let me see that1 ::grabs Bazooka from Alyson while the two hunks avenge their friend's death:: ::points Bazooka at Bill Gates:: Prepare to DIE, Billy!!!!! ::pushes button::  
  
Ucchan: Help!!!!  
  
Bill Gates: Owwwwww... my lawyers... ::Bill Gates dies::  
  
Ucchan: Give it back!!! Ah!! Get off me, you freaks!! Jupiter-sama! Haruka- sama! ANYONE!!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Wow that pie shooting bazooka sure is deadly.....  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::walks over to Ucchan and the two Lights:: ::picks up Yaten and Seiya:: No, no, no Ucchan, see, it was a good thing Taiki died... see, now you'll be even more famous... without his deep voice...  
  
Seiya and Yaten: Gotcha!  
  
Ucchan: Grr....we'll meet again, femboys! ::leaps back into announcer's booth::  
  
Unknown Voice: MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Where is that laughing coming from!? *looks around, confused* Any how come no one is fighting when the Starlights attacked Ucchan? *looks at the senshi who are staring up with confused looks on their faces* Sailorjupiter: Um... *throws some thunder and hot dog stands blow up*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::looks around, then her eyes dart at Ucchan and growls:: I don't know Enigma. Is it... ::looks at Bill Clinton:: No, it's not... hmm... *Shadow Galactica starts playing*  
  
Ucchan: EEK! ::grabs Sailor Enigma again::  
  
Voice Comes Over Speakers: You pitiful Sailor Senshi! How DARE you have a Senshi Free-for-All and not invite me?!  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Oh no! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!! ::ducks and hides::  
  
Ucchan: ::clutches Tuxedo Kamen doll and Sailor Enigma's leg tighter:: Mommy!!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: The ring is bathed in golden light as a figure wearing a golden fuku and a golden chandelier on her head materializes...  
  
Kou Usako-chan: :Clutches Seiya doll closer::  
  
Underpaid Orchestra: Golden! Darkness! Golden! Darkness!  
  
Sailor Enigma: *clutches Jolt bottle* Eeeee! *walks out of announcer's booth dragging Alyson on floor behind her* Must.... save...... hot dog stands.....  
  
Ucchan: Owie!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Ah jeez.... nevermind...... *goes back into booth*  
  
Ucchan: ::dusts herself off:: phew. That would hurt. Man, if only I were an eva pilot! Or if I still had that bazooka...::glares at Usako::  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::glares back at Ucchan:: Hey, I saved you, remember. I won't show mercy later.  
  
Ucchan: sigh...Ok, you're right...truce. But...but...WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THE BIG MEAN LADY????  
  
Sailor Galaxia: *lets out maniacal laugh* All you senshi have been taking my credit for years! *I* should have my own series! Naoko should have written about ME! ME ME ME ME! You will all perish! The first will die will be......... Jupiter! You give her enough of the Senshi Battle Zone spotlight, it makes me SICK! *hiccups*  
  
Ucchan: Not Jupiter-sama!! You chandelier-headed...ahem...very nice lady...::cowers::  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Not Jupiter!! How about... um.... ::looks around:: HIM! ::points to Bill Clinton::  
  
Sailor Enigma: Do I hear quacking?!  
  
Ucchan: Could...could it be???  
  
Sailor Enigma: A duck is flying into the arena! it's quacking in Morse code! I can just make it out..... "Jupiter Jupiter Jupiter".  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::looks at Enigma:: Uh oh...  
  
Sailor Enigma: It's Bill Gates! he's reincarnated and come back to haunt us! Noooooo!  
  
Sailorjupiter: ::looking around, frightened:: Uh oh... ::is backing towards the door, not out of fear of Galaxia, but from...::  
  
Prince Jupiter: *PJ duck lands and turns into human* Uh, hi guys, would you mind untying me? My straight jacket is a tad too tight..... JUPITER!  
  
Ucchan: wow...did he go to Jusenkyo or something?  
  
Kou Usako-chan: NOOOOOO! ::hides behind Enigma:: Anything but that!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Poor PJ! *jumps down from booth and unties PJ*  
  
Ucchan: Uh, was that such a good idea?  
  
Sailorjupiter: Don't do that! Noooooo! ::sees doors are all locked and runs behind Moon:: Do something! Nooo... more quacking!  
  
Sailormoon: ::eating hotdog:: Hmm? Oh, um, tsukini kawatte, oshiokio.... mmm... hot dog... ::continues to eat::  
  
Prince Jupiter: No hurt Jupiter! *screams at Galaxia* *runs around Galaxia in circles, quacking*  
  
Unknown Kawaii Voice: DDDDAAAAAAAA!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Was that who I think it was....???  
  
Kou Usako-chan: I think so... *audience applauds as Chibi Chibi skips into the arena*  
  
Chibi Chibi: *skips happily around Galaxia* CHIBI CHIBI CHIBI!  
  
Prince Jupiter: *runs around Galaxia* QUACK QUACK QUACK! JUPITER JUPITER JUPITER! QUACK QUACK QUACK!  
  
Sailor Galaxia: Nooo! Nooo! Anything but quacking and Chibiing!! *disappears* ::::silence, except for Sailormoon finishing her hot dog::::::::  
  
Kou Usako-chan: PJ has saved the day! ::happy music::  
  
Ucchan: hooray! Way to go, PJ! ::Grabs Tuxedo Kamen and starts dancing around:: whoo hoo!!!  
  
Sailormars: Minna, why are we fighting? We are all Sailor Soldiers who fight for our princess and what is right and for Chinese take out! Who's idea was this anyway? *audience points to the announcer's booth*  
  
Kou Usako-chan: ::screaming:: We paid you good money!!!!  
  
Ucchan: ::puts hand behind head and laughs nervously:: I just won a contest, people...I'm innocent!  
  
Sailor Enigma: *laughs nervously* Heeheeeheee.... *speaks through teeth* Hold on tight ladies..... *hits eject button as the announcer's booth flies away* Please join us next week! SIGNING OFF WE ARE: ::Ucchan and Usako continue to bicker as the booth flies::  
  
Kou Usako-chan: Kou Usako, acting cute! In a way!  
  
Ucchan: Alyson Strother, acting gorgeously! Well, sorta!  
  
Sailor Enigma: And Sailor Enigma, acting crazy! *static fuzzes the announcers away* 


End file.
